12:31 a.m.
2004-06-12

Well....graduation is over. School is done. Thank god...

Well, I feel bad for making Victoria's life miserable. I just feel like none of my friends want to hang out with me anymore. I can't go to social events when Garrick's there, I can't go anywhere when I know Garrick's going to be there...it's hell! It's gotten to the point where people are practically telling me NOT to go so that I don't know...things will be more pleasant. I feel really horrible about this, especially since I would be content to just ignore Garrick...but he makes it his business to insult me and harass my friends about hanging out with me. Most of my friends like Garrick, so I try not to bring up the subject of him, I know it makes them uncomfortable...I will soon be without friends...i'm sure people will soon see that life with Garrick and not me would be more pleasant then me and not Garrick. And I just hope Garrick can make those people happy, and make them feel good about themselves...or at least try. I'm not going to the Rock-N-Bowl tommorow, Josh advised me against it (wise), so I may just hang out with Bryce since Victoria's going. Have fun, Victoria...and er...say hi to Jenessa and all that good stuff.

I love Victoria so so much...I don't want to give her up without a fight, but lately i've been asking myself "Would Victoria be happier if I weren't around?" Some of you may be thinking "Yes! Get away from her! And don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out." She would have more friends, I guess, even though i've been trying to be nice to everyone lately, and Garrick would certainly be happier without me to stand in his way of "liberating" her (snorts). So I won't leave her alone until she tells me too, or I KNOW I have to leave. I'll still comfort her when shes down, help her get that guy shes vying after, and call her on the first morning of her new high school and wish her the best of luck and send Nanner BananaHammock Good First Day vibes through the phone.

Sometimes I wish Garrick were dead, but oddly enough I know that wouldn't make a single thing better. I still care about him, he still hurts me, I still like him. I can admit that.