9:16 p.m.
2004-06-03

Today I realized I was ugly.

I mean, i'd obviously noticed it before, but I usually put it off as a bad day...but it's the sad truth.

Anyways, i've been getting really jealous of everyone lately, even my friends. Most of them are smarter and prettier and funnier and just all around better people than I am. I don't know why they hang out with me...probably out of habit. I just don't feel like I belong, exactly. I try to just sit there and be quiet but then Sherri hugs me and asks me what's wrong and I feel like i'm going to cry because her and Victoria will be gone..gone...I mean, theres still Kylie, shes one of my good friends, and theres Jessica, but still, it's sad to be severing ties with them. It's not like i'll never see them ever again...but I feel akward at school without them constantly by my side...so high school will be one big akward thingy...

Also, Bryce hates me now. Lovely.

My "diet" ran into a tree and crashed, I found myself scarfing down a Marco's pizza for dinner. I wish I wasn't quite as chubby, but I really don't care anymore. I'm basically letting myself go, but I don't want to get up and do anything about it. I find myself missing people I shouldn't...

I feel like i'm going to throw up. I also wonder if I should start doing that to lose a little weight, just like a little bit in time for graduation and then i'll stop. I wouldn't like turn into one of those really skinny bulimic girls...I just want to be a really skinny not bulimic girl...I wish I was pretty.